It’s Deeper Than That
Once a taboo topic, sex is now all around us. If it is not a thirst trap posted on social media, it is the articles with masturbation tips*, or a video of how a grapefruit can make your fallatio experience amazing (do not try if you have citrus allergies)*. We live in a time where sexual liberation is in the forefront and you should fuck who you want, and that is all good. However, has anyone taken a second to think in a time of sexual freedom, whether or not people are equipped for sex? You do know sex is more than the physical right?
Sexual health is defined as “a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality. It requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships… (WHO, 2006a).” To achieve a pleasurable sexual experience your state of mind has to be positive. A solution to help you reach a positive state of mind is mindfulness. When most people think of mindfulness they most likely pair it with yoga and green smoothies. Though ‘downward dogs’ and a daily dose of fiber are acts of mindfulness, and can be beneficial to sex, the mindfulness I am speaking of is less superficial and much deeper. By definition mindfulness is “the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something.” Can you see where this is going?
Sex is all about being in a conscious state of awareness. Many people haven’t had an orgasm or really amazing sex because they are too caught up with what is in their head and not in the present. Though it is normal to have constant thoughts, a few of us have an inability to process thoughts effectively, which can lead to overthinking. Sex is not something that should be over thought; it should happen freely; it should flow. So how do you become more aware? As oxymoronic as it may be, two questions that can help you reach a place of mindfulness when it comes to sex is ‘how do I feel’, and ‘why am I engaging in sex?’ Are you frustrated because your boss pissed you off at work? Are you having sex with your partner because you feel like it will prevent them from leaving you? Or maybe you are in bliss because you are going to share sex with someone you love. Asking those two questions can help you better define what sex means to you and what you need to do to make sex a more pleasurable experience.
Most want two things: to have sex, and they also want good sex (really good sex). Though there are tons of tips and tricks for better sex, the journey to better sex starts with you. Having a positive mind space and practicing mindfulness is just the beginning and can help you connect to your desires. It can assist you by bringing you to a better understanding of why you want to have sex and what emotions are connected to those reasons. Maybe you are sexually aroused (aka horny), or maybe you want to connect with someone. It is even possible that you want to have sex because you need to feel loved. If it’s the latter, my advice is to use sex as a mechanism to find love, unless you are looking for self love. In that case, use my advice is use your hands.
This article was written with the following references: